BIBLE QUIPS
LORD FORGIVE OUR IGNORANCE
Wouldn’t it have been ridiculously funny if modern media was available during bible times I can jus imagine the headlines on Jerusalem Daily:
JUDAS ISCARIOT TAKEN TO COURT OVER CORRUPTION ALLEGATIONS:
Anti – corruption officials today questioned and charged Mr. Iscariot over allegations that he received irregular payments from the synagogue coffers; on contacting the Pharisees spokes person, he denied all knowledge of the said allegations.
SODOM AND GOMORRAH BURNED DOWN
The once sin cities of Sodom and Gomorrah were razed to the ground, in a shocking spate of random fires through out the two cities, causing damage worth millions and leaving many homeless. Residents who survived the fire are asking for the government’s assistance in rebuilding their homes and businesses. The Police spokesman claims this was prophesied in the scriptures and not arson as most of the residents claim to be.
MAN FOUND ALIVE AFTER BEING SWALLOWED BY FISH
A man was found alive and well yesterday after spending three days inside the fish’s belly. We could not immediately ascertain his claims as the large fish was not available for questioning. The man only identified as Jonah was taken to hospital for psychiatric evaluation.
THE INTEGRITY OF THE THREE WISE MEN QUESTIONED
Critics have brought into question the integrity of the three wise men after they traveled long distances to visit the messiah bearing impractible gifts of gold, incense and myrrh
for the day old baby Jesus. Surely blankets, baby clothes or a proper baby cot would have served as better gifts one was quoted saying.
NOAH BREAKS GUINNESS SHIP BUILDING RECORD
In unconfirmed reports renowned ship builder Noah says he is going to build the biggest floating object ever known to man. He plans to use the craft in attempts to and we quote “ save humanity and most of the worlds plant and animal species except the dinosaurs ” in a statement from his office he said dinosaurs are too dumb and too expensive to survive and maintain in the new world in other words they suck worse than mosquitoes and bedbugs. He added that the titanic is not worth shit compared to the Noah 1. After watching the blockbuster movie The Titanic he says he has learnt a lot, and thanks to Spielberg he has made a few improvements such as the laser gun on the ships bow which in his words “will melt icebergs like little ice cubes in unnaturally hot Mexican tea.” And I ain’t going down with this ship I have a getaway helicopter just incase we hit a really really hard rock..
SAMSON AND DELILAH SEPARATE OVER HAIRY ISSUES.
Samson the once feared strongman of Israel announced their break up with the Philistine hottie Delilah, over what he termed as inconsiderable differences. In response Delilah claims her former fiancé is mentally unsound and gave her pubic lice hence forcing her to shave all his body hair to get rid of the lice, which in turn broke the Nazarite oath he had with god, oops!! But he badly needed a makeover think he looks more hansom with short hair. A heart broken Samson had this to say; So lord help me Im go kill that stupid bitch and all her relatives, knew I shouldn’t have trusted that dumb blond with my secrets…
To be continued….
